Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Easter and roots.

2 hour drive ALONE* through the high desert of central Wyoming
45 min flight ALONE
1 hr flight ALONE

A big family party.
Remembering my roots.

1 hr flight ALONE
45 min flight ALONE
3 hour drive ALONE back through the high desert of central Wyoming (with an unfruitful burrito stop)

That was Easter.

Loving, caring, weird, funny, emotional, creative, independent, adventurous roots.

Roots that taught receiving forgiveness.

Roots that taught giving forgiveness.

Roots that taught faith.

Roots that taught fun.

Roots that taught goofy/silly/ridiculous. i.e. Did you know that licorice can talk?

Roots that said 'This-this family-this is safe.'

Roots that taught DREAMS and go after them!

And we did…All of us growing from these roots at the same time.

We are now doctors, artists, poets, designers, physical therapists, sound engineers.
We are married.
We are single.
We have kids.
We have lived and do live all over the world. 

We are so very different* now…but then someone said 'You say you are so different but…'

We started from the same place. With the same roots. Digging in the same dirt. Running through the same woods.

So grateful for these roots.
Grateful to remember where and who I started with 
Grateful to remember how close I hold them
Grateful to remember how close I am held.

*we are also not very different because we all understand and occasionally (i.e. more than we would like to admit) use 'Bruemmer humor'-it's probably mostly in honor of our late grandparents…right?!

*being ALONE was amazing. There is nothing else to say about it.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Let it GO

Let it go.

Before, I used to say it.

Before, when Sis was angry because Bub said the turtle was orange but it 'is REALLY GREEEENNNN momma!!!' I said 'Let it go Sis. He can think what he wants to think.'

Before, when Bubs was so angry that Sis was painting on a piece of purple paper instead of white paper like he wanted her to do I said 'Let it go Bubs. You are not in charge of Sis. You are only in charge of yourself.'

Before Disney made a song with the title 'Let it go' and not one single day passes that I don't hear one posse member or the other singing at the TOP of their lungs 'LET IT GOOOO CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORRRREEEEEEEE'

How much of life is really about letting it GO?

Most of it?


One million tiny (big) things to let go.

Let go that it is 60 degrees outside and Sis wants to wear a sleeveless dress with no jacket and sandals. Let go that there is dirt ALL OVER my clean-for-two-hours floor. Let go that two little people want to 'help' make breakfast/lunch/dinner-and by help I mean LICK EVERYTHING and also DUMP EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE. Let go that I drive a freaking mom mobile. Let go that my dryer makes a 'squeak squeak squeak' or rather 'SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK' every time the cycle is ten minutes from being done. Let go that I can't wear headbands when my hair is dirty for more than an hour without a horrific headache. Let go that Bubs found something else disgusting to put in his mouth-you don't want me to mention what. Let go that the woman at work wants to give her 5 yr old a 16oz caffeinated drink. Let go that the woman at work who always complains her drink is not hot enough now complains that her drink is TOO hot.

Because it doesn't matter.


the truth is…….I am not in charge.

Some days I am not even in charge of my children.

I absolutely discipline and correct and put my foot down and teach.

But I cannot say the word and suddenly have Sis stop 'feeling cranky momma' when I have a few more things I need to do at an errand.

I cannot magically make Bubs stop pooping and rubbing it into the carpet. (really really wish I could)

But I can LET IT GO.

This too shall pass.

Nothing stays forever.

I find I need this daily reminder-just maybe not screamed at the top of one's lungs. Because things are INTENSE over here. This house is full of so much drama. And I am the calm-the tree that doesn't bend to the winds. But all these emotions threaten to push me over-roots hanging out of the ground and all or haul me under the gigantic waves that come rushing at me everyday-or force me to runaway somewhere more rational and calm and clean.

But instead.

Let it go.