the moments when I am outside myself.
Let me explain.
Things have been stressful around here. Transition everywhere. No routine...and we all know how I love my routines. Changing jobs, getting a job (!!), moving (a few blocks down to a three bedroom place!), having visitors, etc.
No one in this family does change well, even the good kind. We all get a little crazy. We try to be calm and kind and understanding that the others are not feeling so hot but its so easy to get carried away with our own kind of crazy and forget about everyone else's crazy.
The grown ups in this family have kind of, sort of, sometimes got this figured out. But the little people-the members of our posse have not. They get overwhelmed and can't sleep. They get overwhelmed and can't form a sentence without screaming. They get overwhelmed and I get overwhelmed but I'm already overwhelmed because I don't like transition. And then everything feels like a train wreck.
In the midst of all the screaming, and not sleeping, and moving, and 'do we take this job or this job' my cousin who is here for an extended visit and I went out. We got ourselves some dessert and some red wine. We sat outside. We watched the people. We enjoyed the air. I enjoyed enjoying my dessert without having to share it. Not a single bite. It was all mine.
We both really loved our dessert. We really loved our wine. It didn't feel like it was quite time to go home yet though because I was just starting to feel the tension leaving. Sometimes it takes awhile of being in a relaxing place doing a relaxing thing before you realize that 'OH! I can relax now' and it starts happening.
Good thing we didn't feel like it was time to go home yet because at the restaurant/bar next door we heard some beats. And we both really love dancing. And this song was playing 'We found love in a hopeless place' You know. Rhianna. And really, I just love that song. There is something deep and profound about that one lyric for me. On all kinds of levels that are not the point of this story. When I hear this song I feel hopeful and excited and inspired. Which is funny because its a pop song and I don't think many pop songs do that.
We decide we should head over and find out what's going on...A DANCE PARTY. With glow sticks and everything.
We immediately joined. There was no question this was how we wanted to spend the remainder of our evening.
Young 20's mixed in with 50 year olds all moving with whatever rhythm they have. No one really paying attention to anyone else. Everyone feeling their own beat and moving to it- glow sticks in hand.
We found out later that we had totally crashed a wedding weekend event...but no one cared that we had. And there were no signs saying it was a closed party, no one checking our names on a list at the front door. We just danced our way right into the middle of it.
After awhile the crowd thinned out. And we became this crazy group of individual dancers. What I'm trying to say is that no one was being inappropriate and also that everyone was just letting in loose in their own way. And owning all their moves. So everyone looked cool. And also, did I mention the glow sticks?
What I will remember and am so grateful for about this night was being able to step outside my role was mom. As wife. And just be. Be lost in the beat. I closed my eyes. There was a freedom in that. A feeling of taking a deep long overdue well deserved breath. Here in this place, there are no expectations. No one needs me. I don't have to think. I don't have to talk. I don't have anyone touching me. I just feel the music in my bones and move.
What are you grateful for this week?